After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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