The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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