so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
