You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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