all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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