I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
