No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
