I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
