okay pat passed out under dana's car
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
