how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
accomplished twins. life is a go
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
