Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
