What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
