from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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