I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize