If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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