Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize