I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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