I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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