I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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