Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
