1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
