I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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