I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
