Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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