No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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