EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
