You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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