Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
