I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
