somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
