His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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