Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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