What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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