Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
