Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
