i was born a porn star she said
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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