My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sorry about my life...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
