Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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