i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
