1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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