He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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