sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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