her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
