if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize