You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
pray to the hookup gods
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
