left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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