and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
