Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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