it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
sex in a hospital.. check
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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