I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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