Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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