I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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