For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
