you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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