im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
