Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
