in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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