He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
