I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
