Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
