I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize