i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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