there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
