i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
