When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
