Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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