I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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