You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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