OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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