How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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