hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
