well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
